Queerness is something “private”, private in the sense that it is an unique secretive feeling, held within the iconoclastic soul of the individual, and at the same time homely feeling, innate to the unique’s self identity, comfortable and fundamentally it’s. At the same time it holds this private nature however, Queerness is esoteric, it’s secretive and deeply profound in the manner that it connects foreign bodies in its esoteric knowledge, the creative and iconoclastic potential of queerness is something that resonates in a sympathetic feeling through every Queer. Like blood from the same family pulsing through every Queer’s veins and installing the destructive desire to abolish the demiurgic reality of the allocishet world system.
But it is just this very Demiurge that creates the siblinghood of Queerness. Though Queerness extends through every individual and that any space without idols is an inherently Queer space, the present Queer experience is one born out of the oppressive attacks from allocishet society; the connective bond and sympathetic esotericism in Queerness lies in this. Without the shared bond of spilled blood, Queerness’ sympathy would dilute into human sympathy, as queerness becomes synonymous with humanity itself once the allocishet supremacy is taken out. Despite such fleeting nature the destructive power of Queerness, as well as its tragedy, lies in understanding this very fact, and from this understanding the powerful force of an iconoclastic and revanchist feeling emanates into becoming a concrete force of destruction.
In the mutual Queer feeling lies a bond too deep to be compared to that of any other grouping of people, it is a feeling of siblinghood, of deep esoteric connectedness that emanates into love, community building, sympathy, revanchism. Every thought of suicide, depressive spell, realization of exclusion, cut in the skin, broken bones and torn skin by brutish violence, moment of isolation for being, any of them are a blood oath, these struggles inherent to the Queer experience are the ritual in which Queerness manifests and emanates, from these the bonds of understanding are built. The Queer, in the act of realizing its Queerness and rising against the world, taking the punishments of allocishet society for rebelling becomes Blood Siblings with every other Queer who did so as well, its actions and experiences though different and not uniform with every other Queer, serve to link them together in struggle, in a struggle that reaches so deep into the individual that the real feeling of sympathy is built, that of the Unique for the other Unique.
The siblinghood in Queerness is not a mere sympathetic connection born out of political struggles, but deep seeded in the very meaning of Queerness itself, it reaches beyond the mere Demiurgic structures of society to touch the very real Unique in it and every one, and from that build an actual connection of struggle, such is the blood that makes such a family. That is not to say that Queerness is some collectiveness that overwrites the individual or that sympathy is inherent and necessary, Queerness in actuality is simply the manifestation of Uniqueness committing iconoclasm against the ruling allocishet order.
And that’s something that allocishets realize too, do you not also get that piercing feeling of insecurity and fear once it becomes big news some Queer who did something unallowed by present society? Certainly they might have done something actually condemnable but at that moment the importance of that act lies only in the way that it may be used to justify the bashing of Queerness itself. A bad act by a Queer heralds harassment and direct, open offense against all Queers, it justifies the devilishness of the Queers to the christians while making the Queers scramble in different and self-destructive desperate moves of defense from that hate, defending that act, exclusion, collaboration, all behaviors done to safeguard against the incoming onslaught of violence. The mutual and sympathetic feelings coursing through these events are very clearly when talking about the innocents, but even talking about the Queers who do these debacles there’s a sense of connection too, not that means defending them, but of a commonality in nurturing, in struggles, maybe even some opinions too, like family raised together will always have stronger opinions on fellow family members so too do Queers.
And so that feeling comes when seeing death too, every Queer person that has a friend group of Queer people knows someone who committed suicide or self-harm, and knows someone who wishes to too, perhaps they wish too, a feeling that permeates them and creates the sympathetic feeling of those close to each other despite any other form of distance. The Queer experience is the great gravitational pull of feeling, because in every Queer person lies Queerness itself, creating that intimate feeling of knowing and shared blood that works to create the deep emotional connections Queers might have with each other. Every cut in their arm, every drug taken in moments of pain in an attempt to dull it, every consequence of a failed suicide attempt or every suicide itself, they are not feelings had only by those who suffer them in the flesh, because deep down that Queer bond makes every Queer feel them as if it was their own. I’ve never met a Queer person in my real life who ended up taking their life, i have seen many online though, and despite whatever distance i always got this deep pain in my heart as if i fully understood that feeling, perhaps i didn’t, but i saw a sibling dying in every post announcing suicide, or every friend that stopped messaging only to be announced dead later by some other friend. I understood it, I might not have lived with them in person, maybe barely online, but I lived with them in Queerness and in their words and actions I saw my own world and therefore myself.